New Blog

Hi guys, I figured it was time for me to link my newest blog, Whisper In The Breeze. I kinda let this one go without any notice, so here it is: my newer, better-looking (and better named!) blog.

See you guys there!

As Time Goes On...

Ok, I had typed up what I had called the "begeezus post" as it was quite long, and at the end, when I was going to change the font, I selected the whole post and it vanished on me. I think someone up above was trying to tell me: "You ramble too much". Ctrl+z was not on my side either.

Hopefully this time, I shall say it all in fewer words. First off, I winked, and the month of February was gone. And then I realized I had not posted anything during said month. I'm not gone! I'm still here!

As far as the whole website idea is concerned, I still plan on working on it, although the PHP/MySQL progress has not been that great. I believe that most of that is attibuted to the fact that I need my computer to make any kind of progress at this point since I need the MySQL software. So I decided I was done wasting time and bought two more books: The Unofficial Guide To Starting A Business Online and the Canadian Legal Guide For Small Business. Those books I can read and learn while I do not have access to my computer. And it had occurred to me: I have not had such a desire to learn for a long time. It really is incredible how dreaming can give you wings.

The purpose of this blog was to record my status to keep myself motivated. However, I have come to realize that "website this, website that" may not be all that entertaining for people to read. So I am going to go off-topic, and I would like to receive feedback! Is off-topic good or not?

During February, my addiction to World Of Warcraft had begun anew. I gunned for level 80, achieved it, loved the new Random Dungeon feature and worked on getting better gear. It seems I am back in a slump however, as I have discovered that registering your older Blizzard game CD keys on Battle.net allows you to download the games you have registered, and that they require no CDs to play. I've been giving Warcraft 3 a good run lately. RTS games are really one of my favorite types.

Well, I believe this stayed as "begeezus post"... My ability to summarize still needs work... Take care everyone!

At January's End

Alright, the beginning of 2010 could have gotten a little smoother... For some odd reason, I had trouble sleeping for a week. Hey, it happens, no big deal. But then, I learned that one of my co-workers had found another job. I was worried that I would have a heavier workload, and, for a few reasons, was unable to discuss it with my Team Lead for about a week. So lack of sleep caused my stress level to shoot up higher, and the more I thought about it, the more stressed I got. At the end of that week, I was ready to burst. Thankfully, I spoke to my Team Lead and I was worried for nothing as my workload will not change. I have since been able to recover on sleep, but I am still tending my frayed nerves.

On the plus side though, I took a long weekend to rest up a bit, and decided to blitz the remainder of chapter 3 from my book and get somewhere. So, I did. My head was telling me to stop, but my stubborness told it to suck it up and keep on working. And although it went against my sleep recovery plans (I ended up going to bed a little after midnight), I went to bed with a sense of pride.

So now, after a roller coaster of emotions, I get ready to bid farewell to January, greet the new month, start a new chapter of my book, take care of myself, and work on keeping a positive outlook.

Keep on smiling, everyone! And take care!

Edit: Before calling it quits for the night, I also finally tinkered with my blog, added my friend's blogs in the sidebar and removed those borders around the posts (oh dotted borders, how I loathed thee). About me will come soon!

And So The Truth Comes Out...

Okay, okay, I admit it, the last few posts were an effort to keep myself motivated. Somehow I just ended up posting random stuff to make myself feel like I was getting something done, but I was not. Although this year I am surprisingly inspired. I made two New Year's resolutions. I normally forget them within the next few weeks of making them (don't ask me what last year's was) but this year I feel like I can actually get them done.

Resolution number two was to get myself in shape. I used to move a lot (and move equipment) at my last job, so exercise was not important when I got home. Now that I am at a desk job, I have no stamina and lost all the strength I had gained. On Dec. 27th, I purchased Wii Fit and have been averaging a half hour a day. I can already feel some improvement and am starting to feel better about my own physical shape.

Ok, here's the resolution that pertains to this blog: To get a website up and running before the end of the year. No matter how crappy or small this website is, as long as I have something up there, I can keep on working at it afterwards.

So now, with renewed motivation, I have started opening up my PHP book again and I now see some progress. I have a small agenda in which I record which page I am at at the end of every day (and how many minutes spent on Wii Fit). It may be a small step to try to keep this motivation alive, but it is better than none! I am quite happy about this sudden burst of motivation, and I plan on trying to make the most of it.

Motivation is not all...

Another key to achieving your dream is confidence. It's all fine and dandy to know anything and everything you need to know about what you truly want to do, but are you scared of other people's opinion? So scared that you might not be able to go forward with it out of fear of what other people think? Or maybe you are scared of failing?

What other people think does matter to a degree, but not as much as some people believe. There is bound to be someone out there who likes your work. If people comment that what you are doing is horrible, worthless, etc, then those are comments not worth listening to. I like games, but that is not everyone's cup of tea. If I present a game to someone who is not familiar with games, I will probably not get a good opinion. Now, if people give constructive criticism, while it is still only their opinion, it gives you an idea of what may be missing. Maybe your game is repetitive. Maybe your story needs more insight on some characters. Maybe your flower shop needs to carry a larger variety. Whatever it is that you work on, there usually is always a way to make it better. If multiple people's opinions start to point to the same things, then yes, they would probably be worth listening to. And even if it still wasn't the best, you're already ahead of someone who didn't know how to start.

Fear of failure. It is something I used to be scared of. But after reading multiple quotes and people's opinions on failure, it doesn't sound too bad anymore. When you fail, you see what you had missed. Then you can start over, and you can cover those bases you missed. As long as you are willing to learn from those mistakes and start over or continue what you were working on, it's not failure; it's experience. Here is a (terrible yet fitting) example. I used to write short stories about a certain series I used to watch when I was in high school. I would write them and post them online. I was usually proud of myself. Now, almost 10 years later, I pulled those up and read them again. They were horrible! I couldn't believe my writing was that bad! But at the same time, I felt a surge of pride. I had grown and my writing skills had improved.

Making mistakes is part of any learning process. It's part of life. If we learn from them, then those mistakes just may be worth making.

Why The Name?

Ah, yes. How motivational this name is. "Lazy" isn't exactly the best term to use when trying to achieve things, but is it true. I am lazy. But that doesn't have to be set in stone either.

I've been reading up on motivation. Steve Chandler has this wonderful book "100 Ways To Motivate Yourself". I found it amazing and very inspiring. But sometimes, it is still hard to apply some of those concepts in real life. Changing yourself, your habits, is always hard. So I am on a quest to try to keep myself motivated to keep on trying to achieve my dream. Even if I work at it a little bit at a time, little progress is better than no progress. And if I can work on my motivation as well, hopefully a little progress every day will turn into more progress every day.

So, back to the name. Yes, being lazy is kind of counter-productive, however this blog is another attempt to work at it. I've thought of this blog while trying to motivate myself to read my PHP book I bought not too long ago. I would often think that I need to keep working at it if I wanted to post some progress in my blog. So it is working! But even though I have lost most of my drive to read that book at the moment (I just finished another 700 page book on the basics of making websites), there are still other things I can work on. I will try to work on my drawing as well, so I can at least make concept art for whatever I create. Then there is the design of the site, storyline, characters... Yeah. I've got work to do.

Most importantly, I continue to dream, and I like to dream big. Even though I am sure this dream of mine will not lead me to make my own company and hire other people, dreaming that it will is, in itself, another great source of motivation. I work at another job, and in my spare time, I slowly try to work on this path I have currently decided on. So I encourage you all to dream big, and whatever you dream for, start working at it! You never know where it may lead!

Dreaming Big... Lazily

The Lazy Dreamer... Almost sounds like a restaurant name! But that would describe exactly how I am. I dream... And I am lazy.

By dreaming, I don't mean the sleeping kind. I mean daydreaming. Wishing for something more. In my case, my dream is about getting something of mine out there. Creative-wise. A story of some kind that people could enjoy. That dream has been in my head for the last few years. But how would I accomplish it?

I once thought of drawing. If I like manga so much, why not make my own? I tried storyboarding one. I tried scripting another. Alas, this is where I seem to be stuck. I cannot seem to be able to put consecutive scenes together. I think of multiple "cool" scenes, but no way to put them all together and fill in the blanks to make an actual storyline. And then I tried learning how to draw. All nice and dandy when something goes right, but when I find something I cannot draw (about... 90 percent of the human body), I get discouraged very easily. I seem to drop drawing a lot.

So then I thought, hey! I like games! Why not make my own! (Redundant, I know.) So away I went to learn how to program using a game engine I had purchased. I had finished all the tutorials that came with the engine and seemed to have a good grasp over the coding. So far so good, right? But going through tutorials is not the same as making an actual game. I thought I would start with something simple while I figure out how I want my game to play out. After two weeks to a month of trying to make a splash screen and an introduction screen, and failing, I gave up.

So I decided to go with a website. Simpler than coding a game for (possibly) multiple operating systems, but not as flashy. I can't exactly keep the bar of quality too high if I am determined to do this by myself at first. But as I kept on working, I saw that, if I stuck through this one, I just may finally reach my dream.

So I will continue to work... And I will continue to dream.